Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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