Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
