I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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