So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
