I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
