your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
