also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
