i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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