I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FUCK WHALES
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
