They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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