I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
