Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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