just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This baby is an asshole
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
