people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
