I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
