im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
two words: eviction party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
