what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
