Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
