I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
