I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
