So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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