I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
