I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
