so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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