I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
