Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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