My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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