He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
