omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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