Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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