this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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