I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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