I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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