i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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