I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
