I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
