Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
