He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
