I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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