she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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