The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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