i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
