Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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