They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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