I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
