It's like a parade of train wrecks.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
