Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
