ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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