there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
