Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
honey bunches of taint.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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