There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
