Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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