he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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