she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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