He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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