I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
