Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
