How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
should my penis look like a turkey
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think people are normalizing furries
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
