This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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