Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
