the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
