Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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