last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
