Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
