I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
