apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
