"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize