Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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