Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.