you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before