Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
