If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience