So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.