Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake