in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.