winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.