just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
