Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
