you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
