he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
