I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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